Anna Maria, 37 anni, vive in un piccolo paese della nostra Isola - la Sardegna - è sposata da 13 anni con Giuseppe, 40 anni, insegna ed ha un bimbo di 20 mesi nato grazie alla donazione di un ovocita (questo dati si riferiscono al momento della intervista).
Ha deciso di raccontare la sua storia, pur conservando l’anonimato, perché ritiene che altri possano trarre quella forza, quella “marcia in più” per superare le difficoltà che queste scelte comportano. Il cammino di Anna Maria è durato nove anni, con speranze, fallimenti, tears but much determination. Before being able to diagnose the real problem of infertility was related to poor and poor quality oocytes, the doctors have proposed a list of endless investigations and follow a process too long.
Q: Why 'says too long? think it was possible to shorten the time?
R: In our case it would probably be possible to reduce delays. You see, I am a practicing Catholic, (now with a faith a bit 'wobbly) and I was convinced that the natural methods of contraception - Ogino Knaus, coitus interruptus, abstention - had reliable because for four years worked in our case. Only after I learned that it was not and that that period could be considered sufficient time to diagnose our situation of infertile couples, but instead have gone another two years.
Q. What 'was the route that you followed her and her husband?
A: What provides the protocol for couples like us have a verdict of "unexplained infertility" and then targeted reports, inseminations, and IVF, and only then it was realized that the problems were more serious As imagined.
Q: Were the doctors to suggest the heterologous?
R: No! The doctors have always been very clear about the quality of oocytes, at which point we pressed with questions more pressing and aware, but they could not say "take care that you need a heterologous." There comes a time when the idea is ripe and when we made them this question, of course, we agreed on the conclusion we reached.
Q: From the psychological point of view, having received an egg of another woman created problems? And what feelings you feel about that figure of a woman?
R: In our case the problem was already passed when we applied for adoption because a child is so even if you do not have your genes. As for the one who gave us her egg, the feeling I have is with deep gratitude. I never asked how or why he made this choice, I just think that thanks to her I could give my life, I experienced the wonderful feelings of pregnancy for all women who wish should try.
Q: She has never feared, never for a moment, you can reject the baby? He never had a "fantasy" to do so?
R: But she jokes? I went to get her nails with this baby, you think I could have even the slightest doubt? If you are a mother knows the answer because in this way. It is absolutely unthinkable to give up their child.
Q: Yes, I'm the mom, but I became more easily than I could have her, you immediately feel part of you, so also she tried the same thing?
R: Yes, I immediately felt part of me.
Q: But it seems that these "waste" can happen, can happen ....
A: It can happen that two to separate after adoption, or who separate after a run of homologous fertilization, or that the child is denied even though born in a natural way .... happens! In reality when crises occur, the causes are related to fatigue of pregnancy, childbirth, the postpartum, which are already in normal periods problematici; per noi questa fatica è amplificata dai percorsi non facili della Procreazione Medico Assistita. Dunque se le crisi ci sono non sono certo perché mettiamo in discussione le scelte che abbiamo fatto.
D: Mentre cercavate un figlio attraverso le tecniche di fecondazione assistita, chi sapeva delle vostre scelte? I vostri familiari?
R: Inizialmente ho deciso di “chiudermi” perché credevo che sarei riuscita a risolvere il mio problema senza dover raccontare niente a nessuno. Poi il peso diventava sempre più gravoso, soprattutto i “perché” non avessimo ancora a son became more pressing, especially in our family. I then made the decision to start "educating" my family, ie parents, in-laws, brothers and brothers- . When appropriate, when the television is talking about these issues, I told our experience, our choices.
Q: Why talk about education?
A: Because it is educate this new culture, because we are not prepared. Therefore considered necessary to prepare them for the prospect that we could use the PMA to have a child, this was important for myself and for those who would become my children. They had to know what it meant for us to have a child and what that entailed.
Q: What were their impressions? They accepted your choices?
A: Clearly were stunned, they did not expect. Thinking that the problems we hear about actually exist outside the family, makes you think, puts everything in a different light, because "not only happens to others can happen to us." We have argued accepting and respecting our choices. So there was reflection and reassessment of the problem, understanding that the techniques of LDCs have little to do with human cloning, chimeras, and more that scares the collective imagination. I am convinced that if each couple to adopt this behavior, by raising awareness within their own family, the process of change would be much faster and more effectively. Become redundant give interviews, attend conferences, debates, round tables, which are always talking about those who know little or nothing about the problem of how to live a sterile couple. With little battles we win the war.
Q: In terms of how do you explain this monstrous belief perseverance in search of a child?
R: Many call it obstinacy, we call it "love." Because an tenacity would not allow us to overcome all that techniques involving PMA, we could not go that far, a fury stops much earlier, no love for a son! It makes you get through.
Q: But when you talk about love for a child do you mean? The love for life in general or for a real son? Because I understand that a mother for a child is ready to do anything, do you burn if necessary, but ....?
R: see is the same love! I knew that my son was there, I was just going to take it.
Q: And you had the opportunity within the association to exchange these issues of faith with other couples?
R: I happened to talk to people who started and the paths that were asking the same problems that I faced and I could tell how I solved. But I think it is an inner journey that must be completed. Maybe it helps to talk about it, but I do not pretend to find solutions. I grew up, individual paths but also for couples. I can personally say that the dialogue with my husband was crucial, because together we could reduce the concerns that we ponevamo, if that is what we were doing was right or wrong.
Q: Are these people with whom you spoke to seemed very distressed? She felt that the problem is frequent?
R: No! The couples facing these issues are not many, or rather, does not emerge as a given. I believe that this is an issue that is rarely made explicit, which remains inside because they do not wants to talk. Why is it easier to leave the Church, accept the refusal, rather than seek dialogue, seeking a solution within that allows you to stay "inside".
Personally I had my crisis that led me to search for answers by talking to various representatives of the Church. What emerged from these meetings is a diversity of personal opinions that have led me to draw a conclusion: even
Q: But is the Pope banning these techniques, what do you think?
R: I think that this is not a dogma, and I think that in the past
D: Ma lei cosa condivide dell’idea che così si violano i disegni di Dio, che ci si arroga il diritto di fare ciò che Dio non ha voluto, che si crea un grande disordine dal punto di vista della discendenza, dell’etica…?
R: Non riesco a condividere queste preoccupazioni perché possiedo un sentimento dominante, una convinzione dominante, e cioè che Dio è Amore ed è fonte della Vita. Se questo è vero allora non si può discutere altro; non posso pensare ad un Dio che mi ama a che allo stesso tempo mi infligga quello che altri considerano un castigo; non riesco a conciliare queste due cose. Ed allora sono convinta di aver fatto bene a fare quello che ho fatto. Se non fosse stato nel progetto di Dio mio figlio non sarebbe mai nato, sarebbe bastata una scissione cellulare sbagliata….
R: Si, credo che sarebbe importante!
R: not do it because they know they are not so many, because our society is not ready to accept. If I were to give my face on TV and say "I made this choice" tomorrow morning I would be all over the papers of Sardinia and my son would become a freak. However, if there was certainty, and the knowledge that many, if you speak openly in families, and we realized that within each of them there is a couple who have made choices like this, there would be most fertile ground for talking openly about these things. Today I consider flaunting my experience would not be useful to anyone, least of all, my son, I act for the best acting locally, within the association and continuing my work in my family, without claiming to change the world in one fell swoop.
R: Everything! I will say what we tried and loved before he was born. I'm writing for him the feelings, the small achievements, because memory will not fade.
